Miskatonic A. V. Club

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Slaughter High

10/14/2015

You can't spell slaughter without laughter! This splatter fest is a true classic with a bouncy synth soundtrack you won't be able to get out of your head no matter how hard you try. Meet Marty, an awkward highschool hipster who is relentlessly harrased by his duche bag classmates. At one point they mock him by chanting "where's the beef?". It doesn't get much more 80s than that. Their bullying goes too far and results in a chem lab mishap that melts Marty's face off.

So he does what any normal guy would do and bumps his tormentors off one by one in the most needlessly elaborate ways possible.

Honestly, the movie is probably 97% shower scenes.

The finale consists of two or three WTF plot twist endings. It kind of deteriorates into a music video for Slayer or possibly Dokken. Well worth a look none the less.

Psycho Beach Party

6/9/2015

Get psyched for summer! Psycho Beach Party is a delicious parody of the Frankie & Annette/Gidget film genera. It's jam packed with beach hijinks, surf rock, drag queens, and murder.

Chicklet is a wholesome American girl who just wants to be one of the guys. More than anything she wants to surf. Cuz surfing is the ginchiest! Once she meets up with the Great Kanaka and his band of beach bums, she's hangin ten!

Oh, did we mention she has a kooky multiple personality disorder? Whenever Chicklet sees circular patterns she takes on the persona of Ann Bowman, a badass dominatrix with a flair for fashion.

Acting talent abounds in this indie horror romp. Fans of Buffy the Vampire Slayer will squeal in delight when they see Nicholas Brendon.

Veteran drag queen Charles Busch plays a detective hot on the trail of a serial killer with a vendetta against imperfect people. Watch as she unravels a mystery more twisted than the Banzai Pipeline!

Viva Trejo!

5/26/2015

As we wrap up Danny Trejo awareness month, we give a salute to our favorite ex-con turned icon. Because we couldn't choose just one awesome movie to review, here are some trailers of his finer works.

Zombie Hunter

5/19/2015

Danny Trejo awareness month continues with Zombie Hunter. It takes place in a post-apocalyptic world overrun by drug crazed zombies. The main protagonist is a mumbling duche named Hunter. Not since Hell Comes To Frogtown has the apocalypse been so stupid. However, the editor deserves a pat on the back for marking each scene transition with an explosion of magenta flames.

Luckily Trejo makes an appearance as a badass axe wielding preacher. Unfortunately he spends most of the movie in a velvet draped room covered in ovesized crucifixes. It looks like the manager's office at Hot Topic.

Lots of gooey zombie carnage ensues as every character constantly narrates. Zombie Hunter has some seriously churchy overtones. It has the feel of a bible camp pageant with zombies. Cuz the kids these days love the zombies!

If you decide to watch this, we reccomend that you drink a full bottle of tequila and just fast forward to the scenes with Trejo.

WolfCop

4/22/2015

Rarely does a film come along that makes you say,"wow. just wow" WolfCop is such a film.
Officer Lou Garou is a boozy useless hump until an occult ritual transforms him into a boozy lycanthrope. He proceeds to go on an anti-crime rampage through a small Canadian town. Considering the budget, the effects are actually pretty good. Lou's transformation scene is guaranteed to make any male viewer wince and instinctively clench his knees.

WolfCop is a loving tribute to 80s horror comedies. Easter eggs such as references to Teen Wolf abound. Also, a rap song outlining the plot of the movie plays over the credits in true Monster Squad fashion. What could be more Canadian than a drunk werewolf? How about an endorsement from the Trailer Park Boys?

Night of the Lepus

3/30/2015

If you suffer from leporiphobia, the intense fear of rabbits, this movie will make you weep in terror. If you don't, Night of the Lepus will make you break into fits of giddy laughter.
While trying to staunch a rabbit population explosion in a Texas farming community, scientists accidentally create giant bloodthirsty bunnies. Not creepy lanky jackrabbits, but fluffy huggable pet store ones. Special effects include tomato based gore and a guy in a shopping mall Easter bunny suit. Also a bunch of stuff that PETA would be pretty darn mad about if they existed when this was made.

Notable actors Janet Leigh and DeForest Kelley appear in resplendent polyester fashions from the 1972 spring collection.

Killer bunnies decimate the local Cracker Barrel.

These clips should give you a taste of what you're in for.

Dead Snow Saga

3/18/2015

Who doesn't love to hate Nazi zombies? Dead Snow has found a winning formula. The first film involves a group of Norwegian medical students out for a weekend of fun at an isolated cabin. They stumble across a horde of gold trinkets which promptly summons zombies. It's a bit predictable, but there are some great moments, including zombie intestine bungee jumping and some very useful avalanche survival tips.

Pow! Take that ya Nazi zombies!

The sequel picks up right where the cliffhanger ending of the first film left off. After surviving a horrific car crash, Martin wakes up in the hospital only to find that surgeons have mistakenly attached a zombie arm to him. Spoiler alert: he chainsawed his original arm off in the first movie.

Not only is his new arm super strong and kind of evil, it can also raise the dead. Meanwhile, the Nazi zombies decide to try and take over Norway.

The only humans Martin can depend on are an emo guy from the World War II museum gift shop and the Zombie Squad. Plucky as they are, they're still no match for the undead invaders. Using his magic arm, he raises an army of Russian zombies that just happen to be waiting under the permafrost. An epic battle royale ensues. The film ends with a scene set to Total Eclipse of the Heart that will make you go, "Awwwww! Eeeeew! Awww. Eeeew".

Black Sheep

2/1/2015

As you may know, 2015 is the year of the sheep in the Chinese zodiac. Astrologers predict it to be a time of prosperity and stability. What better way to usher in this era than to enjoy a movie about killer ungulates.

Sorry, no Chris Farley in this one, just lots and lots of murderous sheep. This Black Sheep was spawned in scenic New Zealand. Genetic engineering once again goes horribly awry as an unscrupulous sheep farmer attempts to breed perfect mutton.

Our hero, the adorable Henry, returns to his ancestral farm to treat his sheep phobia. There he teams up with his childhood chum and a feisty hippy chick as they fight for survival in a sheep-ocalypse.

And did we mention sheeple? One bite from an infected sheep turns humans into wooly hybrid muppet monsters. Black Sheep is an excellent fast-paced thriller with a good sense of humor. The ick factor can be a bit high at times, but overall it's a very worthwhile flick.

Post Holiday Round-Up

1/8/2015

After we survived the effulgent screaming abyss of the holiday season, we decided to give a shout out to some of the better horror films of a festive nature.

Black Christmas (1974)
"If this movie doesn't make your skin crawl, it's on too tight!", screams the poster. Directed by Bob Clark, who also directed A Christmas Story. Honestly the leg lamp is a bit Ed Gein if you watch these movies back to back.

Christmas Evil
Truly one of the more bizarre holiday name + "evil" titled films. A man who celebrates Christmas 365 days a year finally snaps and goes on a killing spree. Spoiler alert: he may escape an angry mob when his sketchy van magically flies away powered by children's belief in Santa. This movie scores major points as being one of John Waters' all time favorites. Please check out his Christmas album, A John Waters Christmas.

We can't wait for this one to come out! It can't be any worse than Eight Crazy Nights.

Gingerdead Man

12/19/2014

When a serial killer's remains are added to innocent gingerbread dough you get some delicious mayhem! Gary Busey comes back to life as a deadly cookie to wreak revenge on the baker who sent him to the electric chair.

It's rare that an actor is more terrifying than the monster he portrays, but we're talking Busey here.

The sequels so far are:
The Passion of the Crust
Saturday Night Cleaver
and the epic
Gingerdead Man vs. Evil Bong.
Bless the people at Full Moon Entertainment for coming up with a series even more ridiculous than Demonic Toys.

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